Another Adventure with Egg and Avocado

First off I want to clarify something.  A few posts ago (maybe every post, I have a terrible memory) I stated that I am in all ways lazy.  Underscore that thought in your mind.  Highlight, bold, italicize, circle it.  Never. Ever. Forget it.  I am lazy.  Now let’s take a pause so you can really let that sink in. Got it? Awesome. I’ve done my job, and we can now begin:

After the late night adventure with eggs and avocado, and the inherent success I had with it, I decided to give that combo another go-round.  However, to make this adventure clear you need to understand a few things that will seem contradictory to the point I drove home earlier.  You see, every week Abbie and I sit down and plan out what meals we’re going to have and buy groceries accordingly.  Seems smart, right?  Well, this dinner wasn’t on that list.  This was me thinking of something that appears complicated and is delicious, but somehow lets me do as little as possible.

Eggs Benedict served on avocado smeared toast.

Now I know what you’re thinking:  “That doesn’t sound easy at all!  I thought you said that you weren’t a chef!” Let me squelch that thought right now: I’m not.  Sure, I took home-economics in junior high like everyone else but I’m also that guy who nearly burned down the school making pancakes.  Ah, good times, good times.  Anyways, don’t let the name scare you off.  Let’s just take this part by part to show you how easy it really is.

Avocados
Avocado time! Abbie loves avocados since they’re a good source of fat that she’s not getting from meat.

First off, let’s start with the avocado.  Halve, remove core, use a large tablespoon to scoop out the delicious insides.  Next let’s take those insides and mash them up with about a quarter teaspoon of paprika and a splash of lime juice. Now mix and set aside.  See? Easy so far.

Second.  Now the super hard part, if you’re a hollandaise purist.  I’m not.  Remember the part where I’m lazy?  Take a stick of butter.  Put it in a pan. Melt it.  Take your now melted butter, two egg whites, some cracked red pepper and some lemon juice (fresh is better but… well… yeah, you guessed.  I’m lazy.  I used store bought lemon juice.) and throw it all in a blender.  Put it on low for about 30 seconds and bam: Hollandaise sauce.  You can find a recipe for it just about anywhere on the internet.  I used this one included in a BLT recipe at foodandwine.com.

Last but not least, even though it’s third on the list.  It’s egg time!  Of all the things in this meal, this is the only remotely tricky part and… well… it’s really not tricky.  Regardless of the end name for this dish, these are just poached eggs. Heat some water to just below boiling.  Make a whirlpool with a whisk or spoon and then drop your eggs in. Sit back and wait a few (read: 2-3) minutes for them to cook, fish them out of the water and then guess what time it is:  Putting it all together time.

Oh… I suppose I forgot to tell you to make toast didn’t I?  Make some toast while your eggs are cooking. I’m not really sure what else to say here.  Take some bread, put it in a toaster, adjust your ‘dark’ setting and push the lever down?  Once all of the above is done put it all together.  Take your toast, apply some avocado spread, then the egg, cover with sauce… uh… eat?

Now I know, I know.  “Man that sure seems like a lot of work.”  Try to make this, seriously.  You, like me, will spend most of your time on your phone browsing Facebook while you: wait for the butter to melt, wait for the eggs to finish poaching, wait for your girlfriend to finally sit down so you guys can have dinner. There are only upsides to this dish, including but not limited to the following.  If you do this, and do it well, whoever you’re making this for will probably want to eat the plate it’s served on.  I give you exhibit A:

Exhibit A

Actual time? Maybe 20 minutes, most of which is spent standing around reading Facebook.
Assumed time? Hours of preparation and effort.  Suckers.

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