Of Avocado and Eggs

Never let it be said that there is such a thing as a “proper time to cook.” That simply isn’t true, at least to me. “Oh man, it’s nearly midnight… I better not make that sandwich for my girlfriend to take as lunch tomorrow…” said no boyfriend ever. Taking out trash in the middle of a summer thunder storm? Putting the lid down on a toilet? That’s taking things a bit far. Let’s be real here. We’ve all got more important things to do, like… uhm… well I can’t think of anything right now, but I’m absolutely certain there are.

Boiling Eggs
Yes, that clock says 11:39pm as I cook for my girlfriend. What of it?

So when Abbie said she had nothing to take for lunch the next day, the fact that it was nearly midnight and that I’d already finished dishes that day didn’t even register in my head. What did register was the strong likelihood of her getting home from work the next day being “hangry” and the fact that I just didn’t want to deal with it. Or, in a shorter way of saying it:

Lose 20 minutes of sleep vs Five hours of a very irritable girlfriend.

When faced with those options, being of somewhat sound mind, I picked the loss of 20 minutes.

It worked out because I’d been contemplating this particular ‘dish’ for a bit now and I knew how simple it was. So simple, in fact, that it only has a few ingredients and it’s just shy of fool proof so here we go:

Avocado Egg Salad Sandwiches
4 Eggs
2 Avocado
½ teaspoon of Celery Salt
½ teaspoon of Paprika
1 tablespoon Lime Juice

How to open an avocado like a vegetarian.

That’s it. No, seriously that’s all that’s in this. Boil, shell, dice the eggs, mash the avocado and mix with the eggs, celery salt, paprika and lime juice. Chill, apply to bread, and serve.  Oh and as an extra bonus? I wanted to test this ‘life hack’ I saw to easily claim all the delicious bits of an avocado.

[Abigail edit: By “I saw,” what he really means is he saw me do this every time I open an avocado.]

But wait. There is no story in this! No adventure?! Oh the humanity! I have failed as a blogger and must return to the bowels of YouTube making snarky comments on the 900th incarnation of Evolution of Dance… or… wait… is there a story? Of course there is:

You see, seconds after I finished making this, Abigail ‘remembered’ that the very next day her company was having a ‘bowling outing’ and ‘supplying lunch.’ That she would, in fact, not be taking lunch the next day and that my late night efforts were all for naught. So she didn’t take my avocado egg salad concoction to work that day, she went bowling and planned on eating lunch there only to discover there were virtually no vegetarian options. Even the salad had meat in it. Now I know what you’re thinking: You told us that she wasn’t a very good vegetarian! And while that’s true, she certainly does put her best foot forward. That being true, she couldn’t (read: didn’t) eat anything at all for lunch and resorted to nibbling on crackers or whatever nonsense she keeps hidden in her desk at work.

Avocado Egg Salad Sandwich
Probably better than a Snickers.

So when she got home, she was hovering on the cusp of hangry. Like so many Snickers commercials before me, I sated the mighty beast/girlfriend with one of these sandwichs before losing an appendage and we ended up having quite a pleasant evening… watching whatever she wanted to watch on Netflix. Because in the end, the lesson to end all lessons: The two most important words in any successful relationship have been, and will always be “Yes dear.”



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